originally victoria — unfiltered blog

i feel as if the three words “fear of God” has become one of the most misunderstood phrases in christianity. i know myself personally for years i thought it meant being afraid of God or afraid that God was waiting for me to fail. like every mistake i made was another reason for Him to be disappointed in me. others hear “fear of God” and think it simply means respect, but i think even that definition can become shallow if we’re not careful. the fear of God is so much more. it’s living with the constant awareness that God is who He says He is. He is holy. He is just. He is loving. He is merciful. He is kind. He is powerful. He is The Creator. He is The King. and somehow… He still invites us to know Him. that realization alone should leave us in awe.

when isaiah encountered the presence of God, he didn’t walk away talking about himself. he cried, “woe is me!” (Isaiah 6:5). why? because when we truly see God’s holiness, we finally see ourselves correctly. not to shame ourselves, but to understand how desperately we need His grace. that’s what the fear of God does. it doesn’t make you hide from Him, it makes you stop pretending you don’t need Him.

i think we’ve become so familiar with church culture that we’ve accidentally become casual with God’s presence. we scroll through worship while checking notifications. we rush through prayer because we’re tired. we open our Bible because we feel guilty, not because we actually want to hear His voice. we sing “holy, holy, holy” while thinking about what we’re eating after service. i’m not saying these things to condemn anyone. i’m saying them because i’ve caught myself doing them too. sometimes i have to stop and ask myself… if Jesus physically walked into this room right now, would i still be acting the way i’m acting? because here’s the reality… He is. His presence isn’t determined by my awareness of Him. my awareness is what’s inconsistent. the fear of God restores that awareness. it reminds me that prayer isn’t another task on my checklist. it’s an audience with the King of kings. it reminds me that opening my Bible isn’t reading another book. it’s hearing the living Word of God. it reminds me that worship isn’t the twenty minutes before a sermon. it’s standing before the One whom angels have spent eternity crying, “holy, holy, holy,” and they still haven’t gotten over His greatness (Isaiah 6:3; Revelation 4:8). how have i?

i’ve also realized the fear of God exposes what i’m actually afraid of. because whatever controls your decisions is usually what you fear most. if i’m constantly worried about people’s opinions… i fear people more than God. if i compromise my convictions so someone will stay… i fear rejection more than God. if i refuse to obey because i’m scared of what i’ll lose… i fear the future more than God. if i hide my faith because i don’t want to stand out… i fear man more than God. maybe He’s asking me to end a relationship, but i’m afraid of being alone. maybe He’s asking me to forgive, but my friends tell me not to. every delayed act of obedience reveals something about what i’m actually fearing, because fear always determines direction.

proverbs 29:25 says, “the fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” you cannot simultaneously live for everyone’s approval and God’s approval. eventually you’ll have to choose which voice carries more weight. that’s why the fear of God brings freedom. because when His opinion becomes the loudest voice in my life, every other voice gets quieter. i no longer have to chase acceptance because i’m already accepted in Christ. i no longer have to perform because my identity isn’t earned. i no longer have to manipulate outcomes because i trust the One who holds them. the fear of God changes the decisions no one else sees. it’s choosing integrity when nobody would ever find out. it’s returning the extra money the cashier accidentally gave you. it’s refusing to entertain gossip even when everyone else joins in. it’s closing the tab you know you shouldn’t be looking at. it’s forgiving someone who never apologized. it’s honoring God in your dating relationship when culture says, “it’s normal.” why? because the fear of God isn’t asking, “what can i get away with?” it’s asking, “what honors the Lord?” those are two completely different hearts.

i’ve also learned that the fear of God produces something beautiful, conviction. conviction is not condemnation. condemnation says, “you’re too far gone.” conviction says, “come closer.” condemnation pushes you away from the Father because it tells you you’ll never measure up. conviction draws you toward Him because it reminds you that you belong to Him. one leaves you stuck in shame; the other leads you to repentance. one tells you to hide like Adam and eve did in the garden, while the other reminds you that the Father is still calling your name. that’s why conviction is such a gift. it’s evidence that the Holy Spirit is lovingly shaping our hearts to look more like Jesus. i want to feel that gentle nudge when my attitude is wrong. when my motives aren’t pure. when my words become careless. when pride starts creeping in. when i begin entertaining thoughts that don’t honor God. those moments aren’t interruptions. they’re invitations. the Holy Spirit isn’t trying to embarrass us. He’s trying to transform us.

the danger isn’t that conviction comes. the danger is when conviction comes so often that we eventually ignore it. the first time we gossip, our heart may ache. the tenth time, it barely registers. the first compromise feels heavy. the next one feels easier. then easier. until eventually we stop calling compromise “compromise” altogether. that’s why Scripture tells us not to harden our hearts (hebrews 3:15). hard hearts don’t happen overnight. they’re formed one ignored conviction at a time. that’s why i think one of the greatest prayers we can pray isn’t, “Lord, bless me.” it’s, “Lord, don’t let me lose my sensitivity to Your presence.” because the more sensitive we become to His presence, the more sensitive we become to anything that doesn’t belong there. when you walk closely with Jesus, things that once entertained you begin grieving you. conversations you once enjoyed start feeling empty. music starts sounding different. certain environments no longer feel comfortable. not because you’ve become legalistic, but because your appetite has changed. the closer you get to the light, the easier it becomes to recognize darkness. that’s the fear of God at work. it changes your desires before it changes your behavior.

that’s why i believe we should intentionally pray over all five of our senses. Lord, let my eyes fear You. may i look away from anything that competes for my affection or pulls my heart away from You. teach me to fix my eyes on what is pure, lovely, honorable, and true. let my ears fear You. guard what i allow to shape my heart. make me quick to recognize voices that sound like culture but not like Christ. help me love Your voice above every other voice. let my mouth fear You. may my words build up instead of tear down. keep me from gossip, complaining, careless speech, and empty conversations. let my words reflect the One i claim to follow. let my hands fear You. may everything i put my hands to honor You. teach me to serve, to give, to create, and to work with integrity. keep me from reaching for things You never intended me to hold. let my feet fear You. direct every step. don’t allow me to walk into places where Your presence is not leading me. let my life be marked by obedience, even when the path is uncomfortable.

when every part of us is surrendered to God, we begin living with an awareness that His presence is not confined to sunday mornings. He is with us in the conversations no one hears, in the decisions no one sees, in the places no one knows we’ve been. the fear of God is no longer just a belief we hold—it becomes the atmosphere we live in. i think that’s what David understood when he prayed, “search me, O God, and know my heart… see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (psalm 139:23-24). he wasn’t asking God to expose him to shame him. he was asking because he never wanted to lose a heart that was soft enough to be corrected. and i know that’s my prayer too. Lord, never let me become so comfortable with this world that i stop noticing when i’ve drifted from You. keep my heart tender, my spirit teachable, and my senses so surrendered that everything i see, hear, speak, touch, and pursue is filtered through reverence for You.

people who fear God don’t obey because they’re terrified of punishment. they obey because they’ve encountered His holiness and don’t want anything to separate them from His presence. Joseph understood this. when no one would’ve known if he gave in to temptation, he didn’t say, “what if i get caught?” he said, “how then can i do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). that’s the fear of God. not fear of consequences. fear of grieving the heart of the One you love. i think that’s why proverbs says, “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (proverbs 9:10). because wisdom doesn’t start with information. it starts with surrender. it starts with acknowledging that maybe God knows better than i do. that His ways really are higher than mine. that His commands aren’t restrictions designed to steal my joy—they’re protection designed to preserve it.

you stop asking, “is this a sin?” and you begin asking, “does this draw me closer to Jesus?” those are two very different questions. one is looking for the line. the other is looking for His heart. and i don’t want to spend my life seeing how close i can get to the line without crossing it. i want to spend my life seeing how close i can get to Him.

because at the end of the day, christianity was never meant to be about managing behavior. it has always been about knowing a Person. when you truly know Him, obedience stops feeling like obligation and starts looking like love. jesus Himself said, “if you love me, keep my commandments” (john 14:15). notice He didn’t say, “if you’re scared of me.” He connected obedience to love. and i don’t believe those two things—love and the fear of God—are opposites. i actually think they complete one another. the more you encounter His love, the more you stand in awe of who He is. and the more you stand in awe of who He is, the more you fall in love with Him. your reverence for Him enhances.

that’s why i think the enemy works so hard to distort our view of the fear of God. if he can convince us that fearing God means living intimidated, ashamed, or constantly wondering if we’ve done enough, then we’ll keep our distance from the very One we’re invited to draw near to. but if he can convince us that the fear of God is nothing more than casual respect, we’ll lose our reverence and begin treating holy things as ordinary. both extremes are dangerous. one keeps us too far away. the other makes us far too familiar. but the gospel calls us into something so much better. it invites us to boldly approach the throne of grace (hebrews 4:16), while never forgetting whose throne it is.

i’ve found myself praying something different lately. not, “Lord, make my life easier.” not, “Lord, give me more.” but, “Lord, let me never lose my wonder.” don’t let me become so accustomed to Your goodness that i stop being amazed by it. don’t let church become routine. don’t let worship become background noise. don’t let the cross become common to me. don’t let grace become something i assume instead of something i treasure. keep me close enough that i’m still undone by Your presence. because i don’t want a faith that only exists on sunday. i don’t want to know how to lift my hands in worship while my heart is far from Him monday through saturday. i don’t want to know christian language without actually knowing Christ. i don’t want to become so familiar with His name that i stop trembling at His Word. i don’t want to become so consumed with building a platform that i neglect building an altar. i don’t want to know how to create an atmosphere for everyone else while secretly losing my own intimacy with Him.

i think that’s one of the greatest dangers in this generation. we know how to look anointed, but do we know how to be holy? we know how to gather crowds, but do we know how to stay hidden with Jesus? we know how to create content, but are we letting Him create clean hearts within us? we’ve become so focused on influence that we’ve forgotten intimacy. we’ve measured success by followers instead of faithfulness, by platforms instead of prayer closets, by applause instead of obedience. but heaven has never been impressed by what man celebrates. God has always looked at the heart.

i don’t want to live a life where people are impressed with me if heaven isn’t pleased with me. i don’t want to gain influence while losing intimacy. i don’t want to preach about His presence more than i pursue it. i don’t want to become so busy doing things for God that i stop simply being with God.

maybe that’s why ecclesiastes ends the way it does. after solomon experienced wealth, wisdom, pleasure, success, accomplishments, and everything this world had to offer, he concluded with these words: “fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all” (ecclesiastes 12:13). after chasing everything else, he realized this was what life had always been about. not accumulating more. not becoming more known. not achieving more success. simply fearing God.

and maybe that’s where wisdom really begins. not with having all the answers, but with bowing before the One who does.

so if i could leave you with one encouragement, it would be this: don’t pray for a bigger platform before you pray for a deeper reverence. don’t ask God to increase your influence if you’re unwilling to increase your surrender. don’t settle for knowing about Him when you’ve been invited to know Him.

may we become a generation that trembles at His Word (isaiah 66:2), delights in His presence, quickly responds to conviction, and joyfully walks in obedience. not because we’re afraid He’s waiting to punish us, but because we’ve seen His holiness, experienced His mercy, and realized there is nowhere else we’d rather be.

because the fear of God isn’t the end of intimacy. it’s where intimacy begins.