originally victoria — unfiltered blog

seasons, shifts, + changes in life.

Hey family! Man, I have missed writing. Life has been LIFE-ING if you know what I meannnn. I have not had one free weekend- I’ve been traveling to see friends, to hear my dad my dad preach out of state, working, and to spend time with loved ones! This season I am in has really taught me a bunch about this thing called LIFE. The ups, the downs, the stumps in the road, and the smoothly paved roads.

This month marks 19 laps around the sun!!!! That is so crazy to think about. Life is moving SO crazy fast and I feel like I can’t keep up. Matter of fact, can I be honest? This is me feeling comfortable enough to show my lowest moments rather than trying to make everything look perfect. My friend and I were just talking about the seasons we are in and how hard life has been lately. I am not one who enjoys complaining or murmuring about my personal situations but like I said life has been LIFE-ING. My life this time last year was completely different than it is right now. I was in a relationship, I was traveling places, my family was healthy, I wasn’t taking summer classes, I was enjoying lifeeee, I was happppyyyyy. This year, I’m single as can be, I’m working allllllllll the time, my grandpa has been really really sick, I’m taking summer classes, still enjoying life, and am finally loving ME again!

Walking into chapter 19 of this book of life is a little tougher than it was walking into chapter 18. I went through a really rough patch of life the end of January due to me going through a break up. I feel like for weeeeeks after that it was so hard to focus on what I needed to be doing without distractions and the feeling of defeat. I had and still have times where I have zero motivation, I had gotten lazy with my study life, I wasn’t taken time out for myself as far as my mental health. I thought I was past the healing journey. I have been playing catch up with homework. Just overall feeling like I was passing myself coming and going. I felt like life was a wave and I was in the current being tossed left to right. This is the place I am trying to regroup from. It got to the point where I honestly didn’t know where time was going. I felt exhausted when I wake up from a 9 hour night of sleep, I am still sometimes feeling wore out when I get home from work + school, I had taken a pause on working out because my body was just exhausted. I would be at church and the Lord would tell me to go pray for individuals and I would TRY to ignore it but of course, obedience is better than sacrifice, so I went to pray for the person, but while I was walking over to pray, in the back of my mind I was asking myself + God “how am able to pray for them when my life is going this type of way….” (and you can fill in the blanks with what you’re going through, whatever it may be). “How am I supposed to encourage + pour into someone when I feel like I am at rock bottom and nobody sees it or nobody has come to pray for me when I’m here feeling down and need lifting up?” First off, Victoria… Girl what? How selfish of you. First question is have you sought the face of God during this season of life, or are you using this statement of “feeling down and needing lifting up” as self pity and wanting someone to have compassion for you? Not saying no one did but I was wanting that comfort from a physical being when all along Jesus was sitting right there the entire time just waiting on me to finally realize I couldn’t move on without him and that no flesh being could ever comfort me in a time of need, heartbreak, confusion, or pain like he can.

Seasons of life are interesting. Trying to navigate through a shift or change can be challenging especially thinking that you are going through it alone. It’s new, it’s uncomfortable, it is overall challenging. I don’t want to go all religious, but I’m stating facts. You can truly tell when you are not aligned with the Heavenly Father. Life gets chaotic, things go wrong, all worry + anxiety goes through the roof, we make things bigger than they truly are out of fear and doubt, etc. You just feel lost and tossed around. ^^ I obviously was not aligned with God. But I knew that, and knew I need to correct it. When I did, now life is on the upside. I am finding myself again. I am JOYFUL majority of the time. I am back in the gym, I’m staying productive. Still busy as ever, but not the type of busy to stuff my feelings and emotions. (not a workaholic or busybody) It is because I truly am busy and have great things going on in life and projects I am working on that I enjoy!

I feel like the biggest thing I learned the past 365 days was what I was prioritizing important things, focusing on me and my body, and stepping out of the comfort and norm. I faced a lot of challenges that made me realize that I was focusing on a lot on things that didn’t matter and things that I couldn’t fix or change. I learned that my mental health is so important and that being mentally exhausted can affect your body health in sooo many ways. Like I stated before, along with not being aligned with the Father, I was so stressed… to the max. My brain was so foggy, I couldn’t even think straight. I had severe acne and I had never had acne before. It was awfulll… I had a stye for months and even with every medication out there, nothing helped… I went on detoxes, diets, fasts, I cut out so many things, I made homemade remedies. NOTHING was helping… But, I learned that you can’t grow in comfortability because when you stay comfortable long enough you become complacent and stagnant. I took all my frustrations and wrote them down. I dove into the word of God and read scriptures on healing. I affirmed myself and spent time with myself. I took the time to get to know ME and what I like and what I didn’t. I wanted change and instead of making excuses as to why I couldn’t do it, I knew what had to be done so I took initiative. Slowly but surely the acne began to clear up. The stress was fading out. I was prioritizing things that actually mattered. I began to forgive and forget. THAT WAS THE KEY!!!! No it didn’t happen overnight, but each day I chose to forgive and asked the Lord create in ME a clean heart. I lived by the scripture in Song of Solomon that says “Your words are as refreshing as an oasis.” I knew that in order for my words to be refreshing as an oasis to someone I had to have a healed heart. I knew couldn’t take past experiences or trauma into the next. It’s the past for a reason. Just as the book of Micah says “You (talking about Jesus) will cast out all our sins into the depths of the sea. You will once again have mercy on us; you will conquer our evil deeds.” I chose to pluck all roots of bitterness and judgment from others that I was collecting, I choose to cast them into the deep sea and forgive over and over again (70×7) until I know I can face the person I was forgiving without negative feelings arising. That can be seeing them on Instagram, in the store, passing them in the car, seeing another of your friends hanging with them, I mean the list goes on. Forgiving is maturing and maturing is growing!!!

So, life’s seasons, challenges, and shifts can be interesting but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it doesn’t mean give up, it doesn’t mean to throw away your dreams and visions because life throws a curve ball at you. Number one thing to NOT do, is bow down to the lies of the enemy. The lies of you can’t, you won’t and you’re not worthy enough… We have all authority by the name of Jesus, to shut the mouth of the devil up. Don’t allow him to torment or take up space in your mind. Male or female, you are called, you are chosen, you have a purpose!